cottoncandydisaster | Ceto's Starsand Inbox

[So Dimitri is grounded now.

Yuuto even went as far as to invite Ceto to hang out in jail with him. Satou has at least made Dimitri comfortable, setting him at a table with books, tea, and some pastries. For all of her anger over her son's attempted murder, she gets it. Enough to let Dimitri punish himself as he curls up on the chair and sips tea from an empty cup.]

[ Ceto has... very, very little context for what happened. Yuuto had been pretty tight-lipped about what the fight was over, but he could tell that whatever happened it was bad for them to have called him in the middle of the night like this. If it were anyone else- any other family really, he would have waited until the morning or even just got dressed before coming over, but this felt severe enough to warrant hurrying over to the shrine in his Pajamas, hair down and all.

It's a state of disheveled that he doesn't show to... pretty much anyone, and yet here he is now, standing in the entrance to Dimitri's room, rubbing sleepily at one eye. ]

I'm here, Dimitri.

[ That's the soft greeting he gives as he makes his way further inside, taking in the way Dimitri was curled up. Not dissimilar to how he responded after the attack by the train... maybe worse than that time, though. He was reading guilt in his body language. Ceto sighs quietly and drags a chair over beside Dimitri, sitting down and wrapping an arm around his shoulders just to gauge what he was feeling in regard to affection right now.

... He wouldn't push for what happened just yet. ]

[Having Ceto in his room is very strange right now. This room is shared between Yuuto and Dimitri, with a shared bunk bed and matching desks. But Yuuto’s side of the room is cleaned and his bed has no sheets. His big brother left when he let Ceto in and Dimitri isn’t sure when he’ll be back.

He doesn’t fully respond to Ceto until he feels the hug. Telling him about the fight seems rude, since Ceto accidentally got to the forefront of it. But Dimitri does nudge slightly in his friend’s direction.]

I think I scared Yuuto away.

[ The listless lack of response is concerning, but at least he's allowing himself to be comforted a little bit. Ceto shifts to properly hold him with that assurance given, running his fingers through his friend's hair in a soothing manner. ]

Scared him away..?

[ That didn't sound like Yuuto. Yuuto was aggressively loving towards his family, and he knew Dimitri and his outbursts better than... probably even he did as much as he wished he could say he knew more. ]

... I don't know what happened, but knowing him... He'd probably only leave if he thought it was for your sake. He cares a lot about you, so I doubt you scared him off, even if he did leave.

[ Then again, it may not have to do with Dimitri at all, but the fight did seem to be the most obvious issue right now. ]

I tried to murder him. I told him to die in a ditch.

[Dimitri mumbles dryly, though he is also guilty of turning his head to rest on Ceto's shoulder. There was a lot more to that fight, but Dimitri still isn't sure what to make of it. He's so angry at Yuuto, because he was hoping to follow his example someday.

That example looks less desirable now.]

He should run.

[ That's a lot to take in at once, but Ceto finds that... despite the way it was phrased he could imagine what happened. ]

Maybe, but I'm sure he knew you didn't mean it. Besides he's really stubborn about loving others.

[ He didn't know Yuuto as well as he'd like, but he knew that much. He'd said that trying to act like they were strangers would be difficult despite everything, so he imagines Yuuto wouldn't run away even if Dimitri had meant it. ]

... Not unlike you, really. You've gotten upset because you care about him before. Did he do something self-sacrificial again?

[ He doesn't have all the information so that's where his mind went. Still, he felt the way Dimitri rested his head on his shoulder and his heart broke a little for him. If he needed to cry, Ceto wouldn't judge. He just held him close and continued carding through his friend's hair. ]

[The physical contact is comforting. Dimitri remembers screaming at Yuuto and telling him to keep Ceto's name out of his mouth. He was upset that he really had gone soft for a temporary companion. This wasn't fair...]

No. Something selfish, he-

[Dimitri closes his eyes. Now that he's calmer, a lot of what his brother said is making more sense.]

... He asked you to come here, didn't he?

[ Something selfish... And asking him to come here... Did this have to do with him somehow? Guilt rose in his chest, but he kept it shoved down for now since he couldn't be certain from such little information. Assuming things was never a good idea. ]

He did, but he didn't give any real details. Just mentioned that you both had a fight and that you were upset.

[ Which was enough to make him come running. In the middle of the night. Without changing. Can't get much more obvious than that, could he? Now isn't the time to be embarrassed over that though. It isn't as though his feelings were secret, he just didn't act on them. ]

... Why? Did you not want him to?

[The fine details aren't lost on Dimitri: Yuuto called Ceto, who came all of the way here in the dead of night. Because, as Ceto has said, he loves him. An unfathomable amount.

Dimitri finishes replaying the recent events in his head. Sighing, he turns to rest his head on Ceto's shoulder.]

... It doesn't feel like protecting, does it? Pushing you back... Isn't helping anyone, is it?

Protecting..?

[ He hesitates slightly, piecing the fragments together. ]

Wait-- Did Yuuto say something to try to press you into making a decision? I told him not to do that. Ugh...

[ He tightens his hold just a little bit, an attempt at reassurance. ]

... I don't know if it's helping anyone else, but that doesn't matter to me, if you need time, you need time. I don't... Want you to feel forced to say one thing or another.

[As much as Dimitri would like to pile onto a 'mad at Yuuto' train, he knows that won't help. He tried and it didn't make him feel any better. Actually, it made him feel that much worse. Even when his brother was heartbroken and suffering, he could see through Dimitri's bullshit.

So he gives his head the smallest of shakes.]

He told me that I wasn't pushing people away to protect them... it was to protect me. Because I'm so scared of losing people again. I cut out the option entirely.

[The way Yuuto explained things to Tau... wasn't wrong. Dimitri doesn't necessarily want to be broken up with, but having the option... He was jealous at Yuuto for having that option.

Dimitri is sure his brother's stupidity has possessed him when he absently mumbles;]

So... Anyway. Go out with me.

[ Possibly the worst part about what Dimitri said is... that Ceto knew that much already. As much as he said it was to protect others (and Ceto didn't doubt that he wanted to) it was really only hurting them both to deny something they both wanted

There was more that he could have said- attempting to reassure Dimitri that it was okay to want to spare yourself that kind of pain in particular, but the words died on his lips upon hearing that mumble.

He stiffens thinking maybe he misheard him. ]

Wh, I'm... Do you mean that..?

[ Obviously the answer isn't no, but... He's hesitant- of course he is. The first time they expressed feelings it was followed up with immediate denial. He's not sure he could take it if they were forced into it and Dimitri decided later that he didn't like him that way. It's been hard getting a read on what Dimitri feels on that front at all other than him giving Ceto special treatment. ]

[He goes quiet. It takes a minute for his own words to sink in; Slowly and painfully, the truth begins to bleed through tears in his eyes. Dimitri doesn't even realize it when tears begin wetting Ceto's shoulder.

Yuuto's right. It sucks when Yuuto is right. It hurts to admit to himself that he's been in denial this whole time and that he's failed to distance himself from Ceto. Dimitri has failed to detach himself from this one in a million world, where he has a friend and a family, and he's set himself up for a miserable fall. Because inevitably, he knows this will fall apart.]

I should be happy while it lasts, right? I can ask that much..?

Nothing lasts forever... That doesn't make it pointless, does it? Being happy with someone doesn't make me an awful person, even if I know... [Dimitri hiccups. It's now that he realizes that he's started to cry and he pulls back to cover his face.]

[ Ceto feels the tears soak through his pajama top and his heart immediately clenches, knowing how difficult this is for Dimitri to even consider. He would like nothing more than to figure out a way to make all of this permanent for Dimitri so he doesn't have to keep losing things. So that he wouldn't have to lose him at least.

But he knows that Dimitri doesn't want that for him. He's not sure what their options are, not really. All he can do is comfort Dimitri through this and hope that it helps the pain not sting as badly. ]

Of course it doesn't make you an awful person, Dimitri. You deserve that happiness as much as anyone else does... It's not pointless because whatever happens you'll have the memories and feelings still...

[ Dimitri hiccups and pulls back, but Ceto stops him from pulling back too much, instead brushing Dimitri's hair out of his face and wiping his tears away himself. In a way he's making a statement that Dimitri doesn't have to hide from him. He never has.

Ceto opts to answer the unasked question and ease his worries with a little kiss to the cheek before hugging him once more. As much as he knew Dimitri hated being vulnerable, the last thing Dimitri needed was to be alone right now. ]

But I...

[So many feelings cloud his thought process. Dimitri hates this kind of emotional thinking. He's going to make poor judgments and regret it. As much as he wants to try something 'normal,' Dimitri knows it can't last...

He rests against Ceto, holding him back.]

This can't last. I have to follow Yuuto. He's going to be all alone.

Even if that's true, that doesn't make this pointless. That doesn't mean I loved you any less if you have to leave and it doesn't mean you didn't love me. Everything ends eventually, and you'll never know what will come of it if you don't give it a chance.

[ Who knows, maybe they'd figure something out that would allow both of them to stay here, and then they'd get to stay together longer. Evidently even Yuuto wanted them to get together at this point. He wouldn't do that to hurt Dimitri.

Ceto returns to carding through Dimitri's hair as he rests against him, feeling bad that this was hurting him so much. He never wanted to hurt Dimitri like this, but it seemed they both were a little too invested at this point. ]

I'm sorry Dimitri. I'm sorry that I can't make this easier for you.

Hey, Ceto-kun. Are you busy right now? I have a favor to ask.

I've always got time for you, what's up?

So this is going to sound really silly. But...

Can you... make me a magical girl dress? I can find a way to pay you for it.

Don't worry about paying me for it, I make people clothes all the time. I'm more curious where this came from.

I can work with that easy, though. Is it for actual work or just for costume purposes? I'll have to make sure it's sturdy fabric... and are there certain colors you want?

Well... I'm planning something for Spirit Day. I don't want to worry anybody by transforming, but I figured I could still play the role of magical girl if needed. So, just a costume... oh, and blue, please! Blue just always suits me, you know?

Of course, you look beautiful in blue, but I didn't want to assume. You look good in other colors too, you know?

If you have your measurements I can get to sketching, or you could come over and we could hang out while I work on it.

Sure! We can make a day out of it. I've got nothing but time on my hands.

[ there's a moment where it keeps on and off saying he's typing before ]

Great!

But I did notice you've been distant for the last few days. I've been kinda concerned since we talked that one night, but I didn't want to press too much if it was something sensitive. Are you okay? Did something happen?

Oh. Um. I guess I hadn't told you.

I broke up with Fauna. I wasn't too sure about my feelings, and I didn't want to string her along. I'd... kinda been thinking about that for a while.

Oh jeeze, are you doing okay? Breakups suck no matter what side of it you're on.

If you need anything let me know, kay? I've got ice cream and silly movies with your name on them.

Well. I spent my days crying, so now I'm starting on reflecting. Still... I can't say no to any of that. I'd love that.

Ugh, I'm sorry I wasn't there... We can have a sleepover and I'll make up for it, kay?

Sounds good. Don't feel bad about it, though. I didn't really tell anyone what I was doing...

Toooo late. I should have asked back when I thought something was off. Whatever happens I hope things pan out for you both.

Me too. I really hope she's doing okay.

Ceto's Starsand Inbox

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couple days after all the fun stuff // un: OdenLove

UN: 🌸𝓐𝓬𝓮🌸

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